In surviving as a naked ape there are only a few staples that are needed to persist and proliferate. Food, water, and shelter will be given to you by your parents if you're lucky. For me, as well as the skinny mystic at the local bar, you must fly from any situation in which you're not: 1. having fun 2. learning 3. making money
no es una problema sostener una vida simple pero para ganar la vida perfecta...es otra cosa completamente
But I should probably expound upon recent events and some background before I go into this any further.
Winter quarter left me in a state of benign complacency. Cognitive neuroscience let me down and I was tailing up my Spain application with every hope of fleeing the country to pursue a life of nonstop enjoyment and self-improvement. This course seemed like the best and only one.
Then wonderful things started happening. I transcended some internal struggles through dedicated studying for the MCAT (which I will take this summer) as well as one giant external one: Dr. Butcher. 4 recommendations are coming my way for that ultimate (at this moment) goal: medical school.
AmeriCorps was a peripheral idea which could serve as a safety net to tread water before I get into school.
Then a little chaos came into my well-constructed plan. A fiery skinny brunette, who greatly irritated me before, made me question what the importance of fleeing would be. Not by her words or by the overt actions which we did...but instead by showing me that there can be a lot of good here by my skills.
I just got out of an awards ceremony with her as she received some honors for a good GPA. The natural tendency of a competitive male is to compare and compete but I couldn't help but feel the joy of everything in this moment. According to my dear friend, the psychologist, you need 3 months with someone to see the extent of the happiness derived from their companionship. This particular person was involved with me for a while before events threw us into similar emotional states.
The tall Appalachian woman and I had a bitter separation and from this I was thinking of the external and its influence on myself. A little confidence was shaken and a little jading took place. This might never go away, but I know now that I don't have to flee a situation to be happy.
Apart from owning that Ochem professor's exam I also have had the fortune of being extended an opportunity at the Athens city schools in conjunction with OUCOM. My foot is in the door for one of the best osteopathic medical schools in the country.
Spain, in the same morning, emailed me extending me an opportunity in Madrid.
I would be working 12-16 hours a week for the government teaching children how to speak English. I would be in a dynamic and interesting city and would have the opportunity to meet and experience all the pleasures I could imagine as an exotic commodity in a culture that I love more than that of my own.
Unfortunately, I might never want to leave. Also, I wouldn't be able to skitter back to the states for medical interviews.
Last night I was met the most sexually exciting dialog I have ever encountered. I was elated, floored, enraptured in the words flowing from this person. I met them will my full intellectual rigor when appropriate but other times I backed off to hear the incredible insight and engaging life history of this person. When I was growing up these ideas were instilled in me by an older person with deep ideas in psychology, theology, and philosophy. The connection was intoxicating and I always look forward to meeting with him. Last night I met with the female equivalent.
Last night I met the female equivalent. Lacan, Frankl, Freud, and a host of modern structuralists were there having drinks with us. If that night together in lovely conversation could be extended for days I would be satiated.
This particular person finds herself in the same spot as myself: finishing the end of a period of relative stability and searching for something. She's the manifestation of my freshman self in a body twice my age but with much more experience and wisdom than I ever thought possible.
Anyways, in the next week I have to make a decision: should I stay or should I go?
The opportunity here is incredible. The alternative is equally vexing.
If I could get a gentle suggestion from some authority I would jump at either opportunity.
Anyways, in the months coming I'm going to study my ass off for the MCAT and spend a month travelling with the exotic frenchwoman I was in love with 3 years ago. I know nothing about what will or will not happen. I want things to be comfortable.
These are good problems to have. One thing is certain: Canton is out of the equation. I'm going to meet with the professor to discuss. Actually, I'm going to call him this instant to seek guidance.
College was incredible. I have 10 pages written on my experience here. Everything that could be met with this time in my life has come to full fruition. I have nearly 300 credit hours, a decent GPA, incredible stories, and 2 bachelors degrees coming my way. I'm still unsure if I will put online what I wrote.
I got a song from the brunette.
Right now, I have everything that I've ever wanted. For a moment...I wish I could live forever or extend this moment out for eternity.
Several other questions are on my mind: does she want me? do I want to be here another year?
most of all: how refreshing will it be to break back into music???
I will have time to reexplore my passion and leave behind this scientific discourse which has extracted time and energy from that expressive mode of passion which was such a huge part of my life until now.
That girl is so skinny and cute. Strange how my rational mind can be pulled by such animalistic desire. Time can only tell. The proverbial "we'll see" is sustaining me right now with this incredibly loud pronunciation of what I've always want to hear. A concrete pledge would be a mixed blessing
and if it ends I'm completely ok. It's time to live for others a little. It's time to live a little. After July 17th I will indulge.
These disjointed thoughts are the product of two weeks of elation.
I am "winning"
Now, I'm off to tear into some ochem...I'm ALMOST DONE!!!
