I want to play saxophone but it's not an option right now. Soon, I'm going to make a pact with myself to stop idealizing everything. It's tough in this situation.
The perspective with which I am engaging life is not working. A little existential reading put me back in my place. The lens of the discourse seats itself above but is smudged. I can't explain it...but I feel a little closer to clarity the more I read philosophy. If nothing else this philosophy is a good exercise to sharpen me for the MCAT.
Toxicology is fucking fantastic. I'm learning poisons and how they work. I'm also learning how to stop them. It's perfect.
This quarter has brought me some surprises so far. The French girl and I have been talking lately and it's been fantastic. 3 years can go by and through technology I can finally see her face and interact. It's amazing what that does to a simple text conversation. The strangest part is that I can see myself...I spend the same time looking at both. Seeing and being seen are equally important. It's strange. Da sein: being there.
It's incredible how much my mood oscillated today. This morning I was resolute. After EH I was complacent. Lifting weights I was determined. Then I was stressed to get lunch and bored through conservation class. Then I was anxious finalizing application stuff. After that I was elated by a conversation with her. Shortly after I was tense taking a test. Outside at the hot dog sale I was distraught by the cold. After that I just felt mentally gone. I tried to stir up emotions by thinking about a recent unpleasant exchange but nothing came except a feeling of just being. Now I am tired ad think I will sleep.
