Yet, I find myself landscaping with a heat index well over 100. It's tough to dig a hole when you're forced to constantly wipe sweat off your forehead.
The MCAT is over finally. I find myself in that awkward reminiscent phase where an individual has reached adult maturity but it's most convenient for me to live at home. My parents gloat over my maturity and work ethic. They brag my accomplishments to other churchgoers as though I'm 7 again and they just dressed me up in a little sailor outfit. Fortunately, I am less than 2 weeks away from an adventure which I'll remember forever.
It's incredible what a cell phone can do these days to make or break your social life. In my case, not having one makes landscaping surprisingly difficult and planning outings almost impossible. I managed to get a few drinks in with the princeton biochemist and had a night in the barn with the guys and a fire. Apart from that...flatline.
This has allowed me to get closer to Jason and to myself. Leadership requires loneliness I heard in a seminar on the radio when I was leaving the dark eyed woman's house.
Humans are social creatures, definitely. However, if we externalize too much of ourselves it seems like we become the herd. By myself, I have had a lot of different thoughts. It is interesting that I'm ingesting minimal science. The last thing I read was about the molecular mechanism of the sensation of scent. Although fascinating, it has a totally different meaning to me now that I'm no longer in school. This September I'm setting out to teach myself physical chemistry.
As usual, I'm going to pass over what I know at this stage in my life.
Right now, I'm great at physiology and have the chemistry to back it up. Organic, biochemistry, and general chemistry are solid right now. I really want to understand explosions though.
Looking at my transcripts I have had all these English classes that were professionally useless. I'm so glad that I caught them though. I love books and the idea that language controls us is still resonant with my thoughts. Some ancient Greek philosopher said that philosophers make good doctors. When trying to look that up the first thing that came up was "do philosophers make good lovers?" Interesting question. I tend to think that a well-read scientist is the best.
Speaking of which, this Dark Eyed woman. I've never met someone who gets it this much. This aspect of her personality is the most attractive. I don't know if the confidence of years or the mastery of language gives her this strangely powerful attractive capability but she's magnetic. The insecure transience of the relationship and the semi-scandalous beginning add a dynamic aspect to the relationship which I treasure as well.
She is nurturing person with a magnetic mind and a stern maturity. She is a very deliberate and leisurely lover; this couples perfectly with her intense ability to draw my mind up to discourse and down to instinct rapidly. I will always remember sitting next to the computer and getting sound advice writing an essay then touching her arm. Mind is there one minute in full engagement and then suddenly a rapacious seizure of desire attacks me. I feel like we better each other.
The nearing of my departure finds me mostly excited. In Chicago I'm going to meet up with the housing corps president for a drink.
Heartbeats just came on my playlist. This song was my Spring Quarter. That confusion is great. I love the memory of just looking into those dark eyes when we were intimate and feeling their sweeping pleasure. In the moment we were consumed in each other...perfectly. I think about her expression of bliss for a second and the appreciation that we had for each other. Exchanging favors in and out of the bedroom. Our affection has so many levels. Lovers, partners, antagonistic debaters, penpals, teacher/student, and counselors.
You can't clamp it down to one thing or put a cap on how long it will last. I might bail on this trip if I need to. Where will September find me? Looking at Dark Eyes or immersed in vines and wine? Am I ever going to get around to all the things I promised myself? Will I be fed up with interpreting broken English or will I miss Ambre's bold adventurousness.
I'm on the edge.
