Saturday, March 31, 2012

Scramble to Portugal

I'm sitting in the Lobito cafe after a long sweaty three hours of scouring Porto for someone who speaks a language in common with me. Single words get by. "Thanks" or "There?"

I got chased down by a man selling sunglasses. He said he knew the area and he spoke fluent Spanish. Unfortunately...not only didn't he know the area but he also spoke very poor Portuguese. He begged and told a story about his kid having cancer. His kid is three. He had to go to Lisbon for an operation. Consequently he needed an operation. I said I'd give him a couple euros if he pointed me in the right direction...which meant he kept following me and asking for a couple hundred euros.

He did find the street. To get him to leave me alone I said I would help him later because I'm going to Lisbon. Consequently I'd pay his ticket and go with him to see his son. He said it wasn't possible because he was going by car. A pack of oreos got him to leave me alone.

Anyways, apart from the hassle of finding my hostel the city is beautiful. Oporto means "the port" ... not the most imaginative name. The streets are similar to Spain. They are confusing, cramped and nonsensical at times, and lined with old adornments. Unlike Madrid, the streets here look like old shower tiles. It's hilly and there are a lot of seagulls. The churches and houses have a different style.

Portuguese is strange. I can pick out individual words but nothing else. If I repeat some words over and over in Spanish they understand. Sometimes they repeat words that I don't get so I just say "obreeguhto" or whatever and walk away.

The coffee I just drank was even smaller and more bitter than those in Spain. I got a massive plate of food. I have heard that prices here are much lower than Madrid but that remains to be seen.

Tom's roommate lives in this city. She said that she may be free to meet up when I'm here. Until then I'm going to take advantage of my overpriced 24 hour metro pass and try to hit as many landmarks as possible until the evening.

I am booking into the hostel as soon as I get off this.

Coming here has granted me the feeling of risk, rush, and discomfort again. The contrast is necessary to appreciate what I have.

I have hopes for this hostel. They're always nice to meet people.


Scramble to Portugal

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Rearranging

Optics are really fascinating. We really don't understand light. It is pure energy that behaves like a wave and a particle at the same time. When calculating optics we treat it as a ray. Trying to understand light has led us to question what we know about the nature of any particle or collection of matter. Light's identity crisis is fascinating.

Right now the light is glancing off the palm tree's leaves in my bedroom in Madrid. The view never was very spectacular from my place but, nonetheless, I love my room. It is ordered and clean. A place for everything...and everything in its place...

It's strange that I can't do the same for my relationships with other people. I try. There are coworkers, lovers, love interests, friends, my teachers, my students, and bosses. That's easy to compartmentalize. We work together, we make love, we look forward to making love, we pass time and share experience, I learn from them, they learn from me, and I listen to them respectively.

As that light pours through my window in the afternoon hours I wonder to myself what these boundaries and boxes mean. I will obviously never cross them. For some, however, they can't exist because the "i" is the only variable that suits them.

Right now I'm thinking about someone in my present who, for both our faults, has changed circumstance. Our interaction has given me sustainence, confusion, elation, occasional despair, and endless opportunities to learn. We're on the opposite sides of the Atlantic Ocean at the moment. However, like light waves, this person still exudes an exciting effect on me. The inspiration that I get from them has permeated my writing, creeps to my consciousness when playing saxophone, and causes me to strive for perfection in everything I do.

I don't feel like I must go far. The asymptotic race toward perfection is, for me, nearing the speed of light. I now have a gym that is 2 minutes from my house which I have gone to every day for the past week. My dancing abilities in the salsa arena are progressing and I'm finding more and more opportunities to practice. Meanwhile I'm seeing my ability to blend in and stand out change with my mood. Knowing this, I've found ways to keep my mood up and grow every day.

With my headphones strapped on I'm learning optics (if you can't tell by the intro), some French, metabolic biochemistry, and neuroscience. With them off I'm practicing my Spanish and enjoying every second of this cultural epicenter.

There are odd moments and setbacks, of course, but each one lets me know what to improve in the future. For the first half of March I kept a budget. Unfortunately, I lost my trial period for Microsoft Excel. I also lost my PowerPoint abilities. So, I found a way around those two by using googledocs. I have half a month's wages to spend exclusively on my trip to Portugal this Saturday.

I'm sure that this travel will accelerate my pace of experience and discovery in Europe. Only occasionally do I find myself killing time on the internet on rapid stimulation sites like Cracked.com or FailBlog.org.

My goals for April: I will send $500 back to the USA in preparation for second round applications, I will continue to work out daily, I will continue my budgeting and keep with it on Google, I will continue interacting every chance I get with the people of Madrid, I will go to free French lessons on Thursdays, I will continue going out almost every night to new places, I will visit France, the Czech Republic, and Morocco, I will continue learning salsa, my lessons will continue to progress in interactivity and efficiency, I will finally get around to learning a bit of calculus, I will stop studying psychology and focus on physics and chemistry, I will continue playing sax every day, I will continue to pressure my schools to give me worthwhile and consistent students, and I will call my mother more. All this seems reasonable.

I have accomplished a lot this month. My students' English is much better. I have no problems collecting information from people or navigating maps. I run into awkward situations (like accidentally going into a brothel without knowing it...note: if there is a neon sign and no windows then DO NOT ENTER).

Actually, I'll go into detail about last night a bit. I got done with my lesson, rearranged my room, worked out, ate dinner, then debated going to the intercambio. I decided to scope out the local club scene instead. It was great. I went to the "little bull" restaurant and met Marcos and Marina as well as introduced myself to the wait staff. After that I went to Cafe Moliere to see some free card tricks. I talked to the wait staff there as well to familiarize myself with the place a bit more.

Then I decided to go to a bar right next to my house with no windows and a neon sign of a girl with bangs draped over one eye. I asked the barkeep what kind of bar it was (I thought "pub" or "night club" or "salsa bar" would be the answer) and he said "bar de copas. con chicas." Literally this means "bar of cups. with girls." In my head this means "bar where we serve individual beers and have plenty of mixed company to hang out with." What it actually means is "at this place you buy an overpriced beer then girls will rub themselves on you and grab you asking you to buy them a drink. once you do (the drink is 20-30 euro for some reason) they take you to the back."

Not sure what happens at the back. Not sure why the price of the beer is variable. Not sure I want to know. The first person I talked to was nice. She was a good looking ecuadorian woman with a bright smile. In retrospect it's really funny that I didn't know what was going on at first. When she came uncomfortably close I pulled away and she followed me. She asked if I wanted to buy her a drink and I thought "man, she's trying really hard to get this drink. That's the third time she asked. I'm still not sure why it was 8 euro..." I said "sure." She stopped me and said "it's more expensive for me." I slid her my beer and said "I'm good without it." She rolled her eyes and said "es un bar de copas." In my head this really meant nothing but "it's a bar of cups." I still don't know if that's a weird thing there or normal.

She called her heavy black coworker over to explain to me in English. She yelled "you buy drink. go back. have sex." At this point it subtly dawned on me that this was a place I didn't want to be. I told her no thanks. She pointed at her friend and said "you don't like?"
"It's not that I don't like her. I just don't do that sort of thing. I thought this was a regular bar..." They laugh.

So: Neon signs in the USA that have poolsticks, martini glasses, people, beer brands, or whatever else...are fine. Dimly lit bars are cool.

In Spain: Stick to the Irish pubs, as clearly labeled, or the brightly lit bars with windows.

So again we're talking about light.

I remember the cold winter of December where Jason and I were skittering around Canton looking for bars to go to. There was a neon sign that said "Budweiser" through the midst of the festivities. It's always a grand thing when people are out in Canton. It's like something dead blossoms and you see what it's capable of. I deeply miss my family.

Tonight I believe I'm going out with a lovely green-eyed Spaniard for a show. I have some American friends in town as well who are supposed to meet up with me for a little tour of the non-touristy areas in Madrid.

Breaking away is blaring through my speakers right now. I wish I could move my family here. I'm arranging a university visit in the Czech Republic for an English speaking medical school.

I am turning 23 soon. My live has been very long and fulfilling. More trials are to come. For this, I am thankful.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Meditations of March

March has been great so far. I just finished playing saxophone for an hour after making a delicious stir fry. Still haven't gotten the formula down for perfection but that leaves me some room for improvement.

I have stuck by the "buy no cigarette" rule for March. I have been in the gym 18 our of the last 20 days. It's really strange that I feel more capable than I did in college. I'm not sure what it is but I can do more sets and don't really ever want to stop working out. I did a half hour of cardio today after a lift. Last time I was this apt to be fit was when I was gaming judo and enjoying some time together with women this past spring and summer.

As strange as this sounds...I'm finally learning how to talk to people. Up until I came over to Spain I was always negging and dodging people to stay comfortable. It's strange that wallflower girls get a fair amount of attention now and again...but a man who doesn't act from a frame of understanding and assurance is uncomfortable to be around.

I noticed this definitively after studying psychology two weeks ago in preparation to go out to the bars. A girl I met and opened up was shy at first but eventually playful. Overall, I felt good about the interaction. She introduced me to a mixed group of guys and girls from England and Spain. Everything was good.

Then I met a man who would not stop looking at the ground. It was something similar to what the girl was doing but I felt different. He was shifty and unsure of himself. It looked incredibly familiar because it was what I used to do in the states. I would go to a bar with my friends, go somewhere to talk, and think about how weird it was to be there. The guy made me uncomfortable just by carrying himself as such...even though there was nothing else strange about the conversation.

I really want to meet someone who peaks my interest here. I've had a lot of luck with social circles as long as I keep a secure, witty, and open vibe. However, that abruptly stops when I let it go. What I'm trying to do now is make that my personality.

They say people don't really change. I don't think that's true entirely. Given a different atmosphere, nutrition, and behavioral pattern...your personality can shift to something far less abrasive to be around. I bet when I go back to the states that people will notice that the way I feel about myself has changed.

There's some advice that this psychology podcast has given me: get out of your head! I've taken to the idea that I should think of my feet when I'm talking to someone. Can I feel them? If I can't then I'm too worried about what I'm going to say. The mind leads the body. The body leads the mind. Not heidonism...but being in the moment is most important.

Cutting out bread wasn't entirely successful. I had a baguette the other day. I felt heavy afterwards.

My budget has slipped in the past few days because I can't download another trial of excel and I don't want to pay several hundred dollars for microsoft office. I'm thinking about switching to google but all my stuff is locked in. We'll see where that goes.

I wasn't expecting to get paid by the other places where I worked. It was nice to have an extra 150 euros in my account. My lessons are all going very well despite some of them being very far out.

From time to time I think about my journey here. I look at the scar on my left arm and think about those dreadful nights frantically feeding the upper class politicians, businessmen, and professionals. I remember the excruciating burn that I endured when I hastily grabbed a plate to rest on my arm... bringing it to a table...I wouldn't put down because I had no time. The hair is slowly growing back.

I remember smashing my hands in the cheese factory trying to slam the containers back together. I remember the soreness in my neck and back as I shelled thousands of coins for a company that conned dementia patients into spending their retirement funds. In the contrast of today...I'm saddened by the thought that people live the way they do.

I had a thought today when I was lifting: the rhetoric used by the conservative party in the USA right now employs apocalyptic stories of control, delusional ignorance, and a dreadfully uninhabitable world. At the same time the sponsors of the conservative media propagate the industries that keep us from realizing how to live independent of each other. Put me down in a country with water, seeds, and some animals and I know vaguely what to do to live. Bring my sisters along and between the three of us we're fine.

However, I consider the regular alternative to our strange family. People don't know how to make their own food. Many have never killed an animal. Almost none know how to sanitize and preserve things to keep healthy. When the oil runs out and we have no choice but to either drastically change our way of life or die due to lack of resource transportation then the people, who were just told that preserving an unsustainable multinational industry is the only way to assure that they're not enduring mind control, will be in for an awakening.

This is just something I see.

I have a cabinet full of gin, vermouth, and champagne. No cigarettes. Just a wonderfully large room above a theatre. I have oranges and teaching materials. 200 euros in my pocket and 700 in the bank. Next month I will have 1300 more. I am no longer scrubbing decomposed cheese product off filter membranes in the sewer system and I am not working as a busboy. Life is paradise right now.

I just can't say enough that everything is ending soon and we have to appreciate the beautifully complex chemical configuration that is "the now."

I've been thinking about the people of my past...some I miss dearly and want to reconnect with. Others...I'm glad they've washed out to sea.

Anyways...I'm going to eat, shower, knit, connect with some people, and hit this beautiful town for the evening. I'm going to Galicia tomorrow.