heartbeats

I'm listening to songs that I associate with feelings and people.

The last night in Ohio my lover said "you never notice heartbeats until they're gone."

I'm now listening to the Knife "Heartbeats" and thinking about it. It seems like that time in a past person is so removed from the one that sits here right now. They know each other...one will occasionally ask the other how they came to be this way...and the other is silent.

I still have to make new associations for the song "tonight" by Lykke Li. I have been listening to it a lot but have no established neural connections with it and a particular sensation.

This weekend passed in a flurry of blurry despairing conservation. Parties were had, drinks were drank, people scurried ... had sex ... laughed ... and lived through their senses for the evening. Partaking in one ritual eliminated 2500 mL of beer.

There were good times though. I played a game with myself on the computer while letting time slip cheaply by. Today I am finally fruitfully roused to activity. Running, planning lessons, pinning my lessons at the top of the board by soliciting recommendations from all the people I've helped.

Italy is staring at my countenance blankly. The question rises to my forebrain: What are you going to make of this? Is it going to be as lively and lovely as Lisbon? Will you shut yourself down and be introspective as Paris made you? What character will be using your cells to express new angst and desire? Will you earn the laughlines that are parting your cheeks from your lips? Or will you learn again that reality favors the ones who ignore it the most?

It was a holiday and I didn't manage to scoop out the joy that I had hoped. Nights one two and three were similar. I was inside. Last night I wanted to go to a rooftop party but there was a construction site that obscured my directions so I got lost.

On the plus side I have my saxophone, plans to go to a concert tonight, and plans to go to an exchange at a bar tonight as well.