Path 2

I was torn between buying a car and a plane ticket to France this winter break. I talked to Appalacia last night and it resolved my decision.

Grandmother has been institutionalized for wanting to stop the processes involved in keeping herself alive.

With my grandmother I have always had a deep and meaningful bantering connection. It's hard to see it come to this. She made the mistake of her life when she married my grandfather, and her love (Royce, I believe) has always stuck by her...

It is sad seeing her in so much pain and with so many problems. She is spirited and compassionate. I understand that without the anticipation of something grand or anything of merit in this world she has lost her will to continue. In winter we always try to talk about the coming summer.

She has a bad clot in her hand.

I have always been terrible about saying goodbye. If I say it too soon, then she might want to go even more, if I say it too late than I'll never get the chance. I can live with the second. When I see her, I let her know I care. When she's gone, I know that she has what she wanted. Peace.

At the same time, the issue of someone living becoming dead to you is also disconcerting. After just a brief conversation with the woman from spring I realize how incompatable I am with the people I'm seeing. The sound of her voice reminds me of the connection that someone can have when the ideas line up but there is still mystery and a certain erotic exotic nature to the interaction. Strangers make better lovers than tired couples. Maybe this is why my parents are doing ok in such hard times. They aren't always together, dad goes out of town for long bouts and comes back to beads and pain. If he never left he would go crazy.

I wanted to go home this weekend, but I don't think that I can anymore. I got a student who is willing to sign me off on the rest of her hours and spend saturday with me talking about micro.

I should get to work now.