homesick? no. it's time.

I tried another run today. Got a full 12 minutes before I started choking up from the dust. Sat around and watched some TV and now it feels better. Listening to "Tonight" by Lykke Li and sending skype texts about tonight.

I'm trying to replay all my successes in my head. I"m trying to write something inspirational but it's difficult with all the input from reality.

This past Thursday I played chess with a cute Spanish girl. Lent a nice Ukranian a book. Learned Go. Hung out with Ian.

Last night I went out for drinks with the knitters. Then I headed home and caught up with the theatre crowd downstairs. We went to Torito, which is my favorite local bar, and I met some of the cast. Maria wasn't there.

Today I booked tickets for Versailles, the Seine river cruise, and read about the Louvre. I think I'm going to arrange my documents and give Emilio a call.

For some reason I feel like I'm doing nothing. Maybe my perception of time is distending as I get closer to the end.

There's still so much to do. I need to figure out New York to Ohio. I need to get a suitcase and figure out where I'm putting my stuff. I need to cancel my student loan payments for the next few months....transfer funds from my Spanish to American bank accounts. I gotta figure out taxes for this year and find a job for Ohio.

So I guess this is why it seems like I haven't done much. Paris is all planned out but I still need to take care of a lot. It's exactly 1 week to the hour before I see Ambre again.

Last night was a riot. I need to get in  touch with the lifters before I leave.

For now I'm reading Ochem shirtless in the kitchen. Apart from a few pounds that comes and goes week-to-week I am the most cut I've ever been. It's strange to look at myself and think, physically, I will never look this young or attractive.

I've never liked when people size that up: you're YOUNG. Stop saying that!
No.
Stop attaching any significance to it! I have had experiences enough to stress me to gray hair. I have life in me but anyone reading this has life too. Don't use your age or situation as an excuse for not being what you want to.

I talked to a student about my travel and tenacity meeting people.
 She said "oh to be young again!"
I replied, a bit shortly, that there is no excuse for not doing it right now. Especially because she has a better sense of how to land on her feet.

I have been extremely lucky this past year.

It hit me like a ton of bricks last night. I talked to Marcos, the shy knitting guy, about missing family and getting tired of not having a good solid base of reliable friends around. He wasn't interested in talking about it. That's what I expected.

I am ready for a tame week. Planning. Saying "be right back's" and have no expectations.

Then I'm ready to put all my energy out for Paris. I'll slide into New York with light luggage and a smile on my face. Hopefully I'll know how to grab the bus home by then...soon I'll be with Josh, Sean, Jessica, Janee, Corina, and all the dogs back home. I deeply miss it.

I can do without all my friends and family...but I really kinda like them.