release/ritual

My fraternity's ritual was last night. As always, it was intensely mentally exhausting and physically draining. Overall it was another beautiful reaffirmation that I love that institution which I'm in.

I watched 2 apocalyptic documentaries and am listening to that song about struggle right now.

Tonight is a more personal and introspective night. I believe that I will be jumping into a frigid lake for meditative purposes. There was another intense element of last night/this morning which I need to address.

A hope for tonight: shed neuroticism. When in a certain state of mind I have a deeper peace with everything. This peace is refreshing. Contentment is a shield but that deeper peace is strength.

This world is in an incredible state of chaos and I am one of the few who have the opportunity be one of the fortunate people who has such extreme privilege to avoid it.

So many times I cave to self indulgence. To what ends? At what cost? Drinks on a Friday, Monday, Saturday, Wednesday night?

This quarter I have cooled off to a great extent.

Tonight is a night off. I don't want to spend the money. I need the reflection.

Maybe that's not what I need? How am I to judge.

Tomorrow is going to be a strict study day. I slept until 2. Shame. I never do that.

Tonight I hope to regain close contact with my corporal nature. I feel like I've let it go in the past few weeks. Then things come up. Nociceptors in my knee are telling me that I jacked it up during judo, and should probably take it easy.

I spend too much time in the ideal.

Thoughts scattered.