Sprung

I expected this: the collapse of the picturesque archetype. I always imagined myself as the strong, impermeable, conquistador/researcher/monk. If you have seen the fountain you'd know what I'm talking about. This quarter was a disaster. I got wrapped up in thoughts about death, knowledge, and the concept of taoism vs. western religiosity.

I just got out of my Ochem exam. I couldn't sleep last night. The blonde called at about 2:30 a.m. to see what I was up to. I was asleep for the whole conversation.

Everyone said that organic chemistry is challenging, and I always took the "wow, you're doing a lot" for granted. This quarter really was...a lot. Toward the 2nd half I realized that I would be manacled tightly to this schedule when the world around would pass. This week, finals week, I realized that I was too late to recover.

My GPA has been a concern for me always. It's going down after this quarter. I expect it will sink to a 3.5, at the worst...it's still lower than I want.

Instead of frantically rethink my schedule to see if I can take something to compensate I realize: it's time to cut back. 2 majors and 2 minors is enough...too much. It was easy when I had that Euthyphro clarity: I thought something was the way it is because of some direct purpose and I thought that I could break through to it.

Instead of blitzing medical school I realize now what I have to do: what I want to do. Everyone in the Spanish major seems to gravitate toward teaching English in Spain. This is something that I'm going to do for a year. No master's before this. No unnecessary work at the expense of my happiness.

They used to be the same. Last spring I took 20 hours of heavily weighted science classes...and performed very well. All I could think about this quarter was that pre-med advisor saying "you have a long way to go. No rests. No 2nd thoughts."

I realize that a psychosocial moratorium is necessary. I realize I'm rambling.

My associate in Dr. Chen's lab is very helpful when it comes to this stuff. At the beginning of this quarter I looked at him with an air of slight condescension. This also is going to stop.

1 year off travelling the world with a working language job. Maybe I'll throw in some research in another country (I'm thinking public health in Ecuador...maybe I'll be a biolab tech for something involving parasitology...which always interested me).


Although...if I passed Ochem I'm likely to continue with another quarter of Ochem, phys, biocalc, embryology, and evolution.

My mind is dead right now.