chemistry

It was a relatively warm day this morning. A bit of rain accompanied me on my walk to 10 a.m. inorganic chemistry. The professor seemed in a bit of an agitated mood, but he said nothing about that exam that had me so flustered Thursday night.

Again, I feel cheated by my education at this institution. Not only were the practice problems not posted until the day before the exam, but the answers were nowhere to be found. Point groups and molecular symmetry are a pretty technical subject to someone who hasn't ever looked at them before.

So I approached the chemistry professor after class to inquire about my test. When I walked up to him I was relatively sure that the interaction was going to be a little change in my life. It was.

He graded my test. I remember getting angry as I saw it. The molecular orbital diagram which we were instructed to draw was the reverse of the example in class and it was one of the minor things he mentioned that occasionally the sigma and pi orbitals switch given certain molecules.

That wasn't the question which I got wrong.

Being completely frazzled by the reverse problem as well as the brevity of the exam I neglected the 2nd step of the 3rd page...which cost me about 10%. Because this is 1 of 3 tests and my final mark was below a C...I dropped the class. He chuckled. "I know you know this, but you didn't write it down."

"I'm sure you don't want to hear this. I was sick and anxious. I just need to know if I should leave this class or not."

"You can still pull this off." He said that statement with a calculated expression which I'm sure is characteristic of a teacher sloughing off the aspirations and hopes of someone who earnestly desires to learn something.

There it goes. My chemistry minor. I left, promptly removed the course from my listing, and felt dejected the rest of the day.

I have made a host of mistakes in my undergraduate years. This is just one that I have no time to rectify. A few marks on a few lines to symbolize that I knew some properties about some particles...are missing. Without those marks I don't have a mark on another piece of paper for the scrutinizers to realize that I know something.

Doesn't it all seem so trivial? Today was my miniature protest against the establishment. Chemists are dangerous. This fact is plain. My time here at Ohio University hasn't taught me much. I have learned how to be burned by bureaucracy and jump through flaming hoops.

I still have that book. I intend to learn inorganic thermodynamics, metallic bonding properties, and inorganic reactions. I do not intend to study them under the supervision and judgment of someone like this.

Last night I proved something to myself: independence. This tenacity that I have can manifest itself in the acquisition of more knowledge on my own. I have one dear friend in the chemistry department, several in biology, and a close association and friendship with a physicist. Every question that I have can be answered by my friends.

It leaves a bitter taste in your mind when someone tells you you're not good enough when you know you are.