lose count

Last night I watched the Fountain and reconvened with what I think is important in my life.

I have been much better off since I started scooping out those angry feelings and trying to fill myself with gratitude.

I don't care if these declarations are cyclical...when I have a good moment or day where I am productive and happy, there's nothing that I will let take that from me.

I've been sleepy and a little off keel today. There was a good neuro article about hippocampal participation in associative memories that involve volition. I could find no fault in it. my learning is better when I participate in it somehow.

This house is so cold right now. I am not discontent with this fact. There is nothing that justifies me feeling 70 degrees of warmth when it's frigid outside.

This weekend when my sister was here I got a certain feeling. There is so much crumbling back home. There's so much injustice and unhappiness brought on by tragedy and

I put the fountain soundtrack on.

Last night when I watched that movie I reconstructed the plot and what it meant. Maybe contentment and complacency isn't the intended end?

More developments in my Spain app: I'm not giving up. Tomorrow I'm soliciting my old doctor again to pressure for my medical records. I have my health insurance card and

I was talking about Janee. She's such a sweet girl. We have so many tendencies that are similar. Such shit happens to people that you can't get out or down about it.

When people press their eyeballs under extreme stress or anxiety they're doing it for a physiological reason: the oculocardiac reflex. It seems to make no sense otherwise.

At the moment I am unphased by what's going on around me which I can't help. New York Times called frac'ing of marcellus shale "the California gold rush of our century." Paint thinner is one of the less dangerous chemicals I see when looking at the known compounds in the fluid which they inject to break up the rock.

Whenever this subject comes up Nora comes to mind. Her involvement in AmeriCorps is something that I'm curious about now that I'm in a position where this seems like a viable option.

Most people will not have read to this point. I am going to stop because this is no longer beneficial.

This morning I was awakened by a tornado alarm.

So many dull lights in the back of the mind. One day they will all come surging out like a backwashed sewer or a flash fire. They'll wash you over like a birth of light, as the Spanish phrase: "dar a luz" meaning "to give birth."

The transition of dark to light is the most difficult. Reversing is so easy. One gives information and attainment, the other has its comfort and passions.

Maybe, one of these days, an old glow will return to some corners of my beleaguered mind.