Fuck this. I fucking hate this so much. From the deepest point of disdain in a person's existence I just fucking want this to go the hell away. My hatred for this damn shit is much deeper than for the worst deed I have ever known.
Maybe if I go elsewhere this shit will fucking go away. Maybe there's a place where this shit doesn't happen or people aren't so terrible. Perhaps it's not natural and people shouldn't act like this but I've lived in this horrible little corner of the world where people are just fucking terrible all the time.
Straight up breakdown:
from the depths of my heart I hate "attractive" people and the attitude they have. Entitlement, snobbery, belligerence, arrogant remarks, and other shit just pours out of them. They're fucking brats. Just because you have symmetry, perfect breasts or a square jaw, height, or other shit that NO ONE CAN HELP that doesn't mean you have to be an absolute prick.
The thing that enrages me the most is that people buy into this shit. That's all they buy into. It's god damn annoying.
Alright, a small history of my night involves all this dialogue. I went out with my friend to a party with a lot of great people. we drank some mix and I got a little tipsy.
Breakdown on my friend: he's about 6 foot 3 inches in height. Dwarfs my by comparison. I'm 5 foot 4 inches tall. He knows random facts about everything but isn't a specialist by any means.
I had an extended conversation with this girl, not "attractive" but really a great person and I liked the way she looked and talked, and everything was going well. Then I got really drunk and next thing I know she's not talking to me anymore, but my friend. Largely, I am excluded from the conversation.
One of a billion incidents in my life where preferential treatment is given to someone based on their looks.
Alright...get it through your fucking head: biologically, scientificaly, and every other factual way of interpreting this has confirmed that people will listen to someone who is attractive over someone who isn't.
This sucks SO BAD for the people who have everything in the world to offer someone but aren't gorgeous.
This is going to sound a bit arrogant right now but I don't give a fuck. I am the peak of everything I could be given my situation. I lift a decent amount, so I have a broad chest and thick arms relative to the rest of my body. It's not too much though. I am a fucking scientist. Appreciate for a second what that means. we are the people that helped make this machine that you use to interact with other people.
There's a poster on the wall in a professor's office that is about animal testing. The picture indicates a group of people protesting animal testing. The caption says "thanks to scientific tests these people will be protesting for an average of 8 years longer." I can perform mathematic calculations and integrate knowledge from 4 fields to solve problems. I have worked in a biomedical research lab trying to explore the properties of lifesaving antibiotics in the strangest corner of the world: honeybee guts. Given enough time, I can explain roughly every cell in your body and an outline of what they do, as well as some properties of those cells that cause your health to fail. Most of the time I can tell you how to prevent this.
I am a farmer. I fear no death. Talk to me and you will get the utmost clarity concerning the brevity of life and the absence (but in that, the jubilee of the temporal) of religion. I kill things and cook them with my own hand. This is normal. I think that people eating an animal that they never knew is demented.
As far as sex goes, I am good. It has been a learning process but, as a scientist, I try things out and learn new ways of achieving mutual satisfaction. I fucking love going down on girls. Everything about it is incredible. The little noises, pleasant expressions, heavy breathing, and incredible happiness that comes out of a woman as you're licking her clitoris are absolutely amazing. As you know someone you gradually change how you do it...less to the point and more about the building up to it. Then afterwards you get a verdict: yes or no. Yes means you're going to have sex. The no is just as well. There will always be another time. I do not know a man who is worth anything who doesn't treat a girl the way she deserves.
Yet, women flock to those types of men. Until they're older. As women get older they get better in most capacities. I'd say menopause is the cutoff. But, if they keep mentally and physically alert, they stay their incredible selves and are ever increasingly pleasant to be around. Height...height and height. It throbs in my god damn little head.
And then there are the wonderful exceptions. These are what I have to live by. There are girls that, for the most part, overlook their biological intuition and open themselves up to men of a different variety.
Look in my kitchen and you'll find a damn good cook at work who uses sparingly any meat but makes the greatest pasta salad s0metimes with veggies that he grows with his own hands. You'll see books from C.S. lewis resting on top of Nietzsche. These are on a stack of molecuar neuroscience, wastewater management and treatment, biology, inorganic chemistry, biochemistry, and a book of music for the alto saxophone. I am a poet, musician, writer, worker, and a critic (but not a cynic). You would think that some of this shit would result in a god damn partner every once in a while. It has been like 2 years since I've had a girlfriend. Not to say that I haven't had someone in between. But...it seems unfair that I put this much work into being the most that I possibly can be and then people just leisurely work their way through everything and find more meaningful connections.
The rant lost its momentum. Basically, what I'm tying to say is that I am really aggravated by people. a tall man or a woman with large breasts commands more attention at or between the sexes. I am conscious of this and try to equalize it.
I just hate how shitty people are. It's so apparent too. You see when a person walks into a room what they are thinking.
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